All my life I've been envisioning what my ideal lifetime would look like.
This ideal has always included a husband and children.
When asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would answer with veterinarian, but in my head I thought, all I really want is to be a mother.
But as of lately, and I don't know if this is the depression or a protection mechanism,
I kinda feel like it would be okay if I don't have kids and it's ok if I don't get married.
Kids do take a lot of selflessness, and I never realized until my nephew came how exhausting they are.
Don't get me wrong kids are wonderful, and so unconditionally loving..
but what if your sick?
or feel like going to bed at 7 one night because it's been a bad day at work.
Kids are a lot of commitment.
Also marriage...
I enjoy my space.
I enjoy that I do not have to watch sports, but rather I watch Oprah when I get home from work.
I like not having to talk to anyone on the phone when I get home if I don't want to.
If I want to eat pop tarts for dinner, I don't feel bad.
It's almost like my mind is preparing me for the worst case scenario.
My heart is protecting me from what I used to think would be devastating not to have, by tricking me into thinking it's not all that great?
Do you think that's what it could be...or could it be the truth that I no longer want those things?
Truth or Protection?
