Bulletproof

I'm growing.

I'm starting to see that the body that I abused with overeating, and over processed, greasy buttery food, that I didn't excercise is a lovely, functioning machine that hasn't ever failed me. Do I have a big butt? Yes, but I love it, for where it's taken me.

I'm starting to see that I'm not unloveable. That I have people in my life that would be upset if I left this world.  Since high school I've always felt like I wasn't enough. That no one thought that I was worthy. I always imagined that if I were to die, that no one would show up to my funeral, that no one would shed a tear.  I see how dramatic, and ridiculous that is now. 

I'm starting to see myself as a strong independent woman - when before If someone asked me what words least described me, I might say those exact same words. I've made it on my own...for 4 years this month.  For 4 years, I've managed to pay all of my bills, not kill 2 animals, and remembered to buy things like toilet paper and dog food.  I've moved up in a career that I knew nothing about, and managed to be one of the top paid staffing specialist in my company. I don't take peoples crap anymore, and I don't let people walk all over me.

I'm growing...but I'm not "grown".  Still have a lot more work ahead of me, but I've only been alive a quarter of my life.