goodbye

So I had an epiphany watching the show "Hoarding: Buried Alive"...I know, I know LAME. This lady was a puppet hoarder (can you say CREEPY!), and she used to be a very successful ventriloquist.  She bought millions of puppets hoping to one day get back into the creepy puppet biz.  Her therapist told her that her false hope was making her not live life to the fullest, her fear of letting go was holding her back.  Her therapist told her that once she lets go of that, a burden will be lifted.

I concurred.  So this week I will try my hardest to let go. No false hope for this girl. So LUCKY for you guys, you won't have to hear about this four year-old b.s. any longer!!! :) I'm moving past it.

I looked up some stuff online about it, and thought that some of you might find it helpful in letting go...

"Hope can be a terrible thing if it keeps you stuck in the past. It’s not easy to end all contact when you feel attached to someone. Breaking off the friendship might feel like ruining your chances at knowing love again.
It’s helped me to change my hopes to broader terms. So instead of wanting a specific person to re-enter your life, want love and happiness—whatever that may look like.

You will know love again. You won’t spend the rest of your life alone. In one way or another, you will meet all kinds of people and create all kinds of possibilities for relationships—if you forgive yourself, let go, and open yourself up, that is.

When you let go, you give yourself peace.

Everything about holding on is torturous. You regret, you feel ashamed and guilty, you rehash, you obsess—it’s all an exercise in suffering. The only way to feel peace is to quiet the thoughts that threaten it.

Letting go opens you up to new possibilities.

When you’re holding onto something, you’re less open to giving and receiving anything else.

If you had your arms wrapped around a huge bucket of water, you wouldn’t be able to give anything other than that bucket, or grab anything else that came your way. You might even struggle breathing because you’re clutching something so all-encompassing with so much effort.

You have to give to receive. Give love to get love, share joy to feel joy. It’s only possible if you’re open and receptive.

Recognize and replace fearful thoughts.

When you’re holding onto a relationship, it’s usually more about attachment than love. Love wants for the other person’s happiness. Fear wants to hold onto whatever appears to make you happy so you don’t have to feel the alternative.

You might not recognize these types of fearful thoughts because they become habitual. Some examples include: I’ll never feel loved again. I’ll always feel lonely. I am completely powerless. Replace those thoughts with: All pain passes eventually. It will be easier if I help them pass by being mindful. I can’t always control what happens to me, but I can control how I respond to it."

Get the HINT

My #1 problem.....not getting the HINT.

I think a lot of girls have the same problem.  I've even read the book "It's called a breakup because it's broken" book and I still can't seem to get the hint.  If you write him an email in the middle of the night, because you can't sleep because your thinking of him, that says "I miss you a whole lot :)", and he doesn't even respond back with a "hello", or "f you", then he probably just isn't into you.

I think our egotistical selves refuse to believe this...they refuse to believe that ANYONE could NOT be interested in YOU. Because you are the most awesome girl on the planet, and there is NO ONE like you.  It hurts your ego, so you try even that much harder.  Then after the ego leaves the picture in your head, the insecure thoughts pop in.  The "he must not like me because I'm fat", "he must not like me because I'm not popular". Whatever I feel about myself, becomes the reason that he doesn't like me.  When probably it doesn't even have to do with me, it's probably his own bullshit he has going on in his head, or insecurities he has.  I find that easy to type, but hard to personally let sink in.

My problem goes much deeper than even that though, because I think that EVERYONE HAS to like me.  And if they don't then I think it's my duty to make them like me.  It gets even more sick....I know that this isn't effective.  I'm a smart girl.  I see that the more you try to get someone to like you, the more they dislike you.  But I can't stop.  It's like a sickness.

I seriously think I need therapy.

Novel Writing...

is hard to do-o. (sing in the Grease fashion of Hopelessly Devoted).  So I'm sure that many are aware of this, but some may not be, I wrote a novel called "All is Fair". A true story of my experiences dating someone that was in Operation Iraqi Freedom.  It's a story of love, loss, and the aftermath of war and PTSD. Editors, agents, and publishers do not like this novel. Most of the regret letters that I receive are generic, "we don't want you" kind of letters...but I do get some back, especially from agents that say, we would work with this book, IF you "insert change here".  I refuse to do this.  I've come to find out that's because the story is so close to my heart. EVERYTHING is true in this story, nothing but some sly changes of names have occurred...for instance my ex-fiance's last name is Fisher, and in the story his last name is Basser...get it....fish...bass...anyway...I decided to start writing a new novel, this time Fiction, which is surprisingly MUCH easier to write. 

I'm super excited about this endeavor.  I've decided that after I get this book done (I'm shooting for next year), I would make it an E-Story and put a chapter a day on this blog (or maybe create another blog especially for that story.  So far I just have my getcha line to interest publishers (which may change since it still is in draft mode). This story is influenced by my experiences in life, but does not describe in any way my feelings. I created this story from my love of the idea of God's Tapestry, which I heard from somebody, somewhere.  God's Tapestry is the idea that God is the weaver of our lives.  Our lives being the beautiful tapestry.  We only see the back of this loom that looks like a big knotted mess with different color rows that seem to be making no sense.  But God sees the front side as he works, it's all coming together for Him, and he ultimately knows what the final picture of our lives will be. If we start trying to correct things or try to make sense of things from our side, we will mess up the big picture.  We should only trust God and his decision for our lives (Tapestry), no matter how bad we think he's screwing things up in hopes that the bigger picture makes sense and is the best life for us.

So my story is about a fraught wife, and mother of 3 who despises the hand she was dealt in life, and gets the chance to see how things would have been had certain events never happened.

Crossing my fingers that this is more "readable" than my last book attempt.

Come to my window

"I would dial the numbers
Just to listen to your breath
I would stand inside my hell
And hold the hand of death
You don't know how far I'd go
To ease this precious ache
You don't know how much I'd give
Or how much I can take
Just to reach you"

-Melissa Etheridge "Come To My Window"

It's been almost 4 years since he was mine, and I still have to fight off the urges to pick up my phone and call him. It's hard. When I have good news, I want to call him. When I'm having a bad day, I want to call him. And more than anything when I think of a shared memory I want to call him....

But it's almost like he's a drug. Something that would be gratifying in that instant, but then cause turmoil the next minute, and even more heartache the next day. Not to quote another song, but it's kind of like "make it hurt so good". I have to resist if I don't want to be disappointed and heartbroken the second I click the END button.

Sometimes Love don't feel like it should.....make it hurt so good.

Newness

I had yet ANOTHER Harry Potter dream and this is after I went cold-turkey on everything HP related.  This dream was kind of like the HP Lego game that I bought ( I know, I know, my DORK is showing).  Me (I somehow in this dream was Harry) and Ron were fighting off dementors, and one came and knocked off his head.  In my dream I kept thinking , "This is way too violent for children to be seeing".

In other non-HarryPotter news....

• I decided NOT to call Mr. Aisle 12, a little too smooth for my liking.
• I bought a 50" flat screen TV. My coworker joked with me asking if I was trying to lure in a man by building a man cave....didn't think of that, but now that she mentions it.....
• My cell phone finally bit the dust, and I am temporarily using a phone that looks like it was manufactured in 1998. New phone coming in 17! days!
• I bought a dining room table at Ikea, with the help of my sister reupholstered the chairs with grey/white fabric, bought a yellow/grey painting of New York and hung it up, and created a centerpiece.  Pictures to come soon (as soon as my new phone comes!)

Words to live by

This week's "Words to live by" are short and sweet, and hopefully true.

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

-Khalil Gibran

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately.  Enough to fry my brain out.  Where do I want to live? Who do I want to be? What happens if Plan A never happens? What is Plan B? and most importantly, Who am I?

The 'Who am I?' question scares me the most.  I don't know who I am.  I know who I want to be though, and so I'm focusing on that.

Mr. Aisle 12

I was doing my normal Friday night, 'I want something delicious to eat' grocery shopping. For those of you who know me, you know that I do not cook.  Well, let me rephrase that. I can cook, I just don't cook well.  It's a running joke in my family that every year at Thanksgiving, my job is to make the deviled eggs, and even with a job as simple as that I still have to ask my big sister, "Now what goes in these"?

But anyways, back to the grocery store...

I am focusing hard on the pre-made hamburgers, thinking to myself now which one of these would be the easiest to make? When I hear a deep voice behind me say "Don't tell me your beautiful, and you know how to cook"? I turn around and all I see is beautiful green eyes, and tight curly brown hair.  I stammer....Thinking of comebacks quickly is not my forte.  I immediately feel the hives (a nervous tell tale sign for me) form on my chest.  He then says "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to embarrass you".

I tell him that it's ok, I'm not embarrassed, and that I actually can not cook at all.  He chuckles and tells me that I'm in a very peculiar place then if I don't know how to cook.  He is obviously MUCH better at clever banter than me.  He then proceeds to say that I should let him cook me a meal sometime, and maybe he could give me a few pointers.

I took his phone number, which he wrote down and gave me with such ease, as he reiterated that he is serious about the dinner, and I should give him a call.

Help! What should I do? I am definetly NOT going over to a strangers house, so what should I do??

Lessons I didn't want to learn

I was talking on the phone with a friend, and the subject of lessons that we've learned from not-so-great situtions came up.  After talking for awhile she said that she thinks that God plans it out that way, that he has to put you in these situations because you have to learn certain things before you can "graduate", so to speak.  She (also unmarried), feels like she hasn't found "the one" yet because she hasn't graduated, hasn't learned some valuable lesson that will help her down the road.  She also suggested that the not-so-great things that happen to you make you who you are, and maybe you have to be that 30 year old person, that has graduated with all of those "lessons learned", to be the perfect partner for your perfect partner.

I completely agree with this, but I truly hope that I'm close to "graduating". 

Here are some of the lessons that I didn't want to learn...

• Cheating (in my opinion) is most of the time an indication that something is lacking from your relationship, and most of the time can not be overcome.  Also, (and I NEVER used to believe this, before it happened to me multiple times) once a cheater, always a cheater.
• Your gut is right 99% of time.  If you are scared to death that he is not going to go through with the wedding..in my case...you are probably right. Also, your mother is right 99% of the time.
• You should make a list of qualities that you value the most in a partner, and stick to it.  Now I do not mean the silly lists that all women make with eye/hair color, profession, style of dress... I mean the important qualities..in my case...Christian, Strong morals, Not an EXTREME Drinker, Family man, MUST want children.
• If you don't like someone A LOT, don't force it, it's not going to happen.  The older I get the more I think I try to settle for someone I don't like everything about (aka J), and maybe I have'nt fully learned this lesson yet...but I did break up with J.

Don't you think I'm close to graduation? What lessons did you not want to learn?

Dreamin...

I've been having some crazy dreams as of lately.  I mean beyond bizarre.  I think that some of them have a lot to do with the fact that in one weekend I watched all the Harry Potter movies like I would die if I did not see all 8.  Then I continued the craziness by reading Book 7 every night before bed (almost done with that one).  But here are some of the crazy dreams...

I woke up grabbing my forehead.  It felt like someone had stabbed me there.  I had dreamt that I was at a local tattoo shop getting a lighting bolt tattooed to my forehead.  I had to run to the bathroom when I woke up just to make sure it was a dream, that's how bad I thought my head hurt.

Next night...I was in a tri-wizard tournament, which involved riding around on a horse drawn carriage through hogsmede.  The carriage had a table on it full of B-12 Energy drinks which were to be chugged rapidly.  It also involved a fire throwing contest. weird.

Last night....I dreamt that I was at a party with J-Lo, my friend Ashley, and my friend Karla.  We spent most of the night taking pictures with J-Lo and asking her questions about her split with Marc.  She showed up to breakfast the next morning, wearing the same dress from the night before and said that they had reconciled. double weird.

Wondering what dream I'll have tonight?

falling in love

This past Friday, I felt something in the air, and my nose picked up on a familiar and lovely scent.  I got excited. "FALL is coming", I said outloud to no one.

I absolutely adore fall.  I love the colors. I love the fresh air. I love having my windows open. I love the low electric bills. I LOVE FALL.

Every relationship I've ever had has started in fall, and I think it's because that's when I feel my best.  I feel like falling in love in fall.

So yesterday at Subway I walked in, and linked eyes with a tattooed, dog tagged soldier sitting in a back booth.  We both smiled at each other.  My heart jumped a beat...maybe it was trying to run away...I laughed to myself (something I do quite frequently) after I imagined the dialouge that my heart and head was having....

Head: firmly stated, "oh no girl, we've had one of those before, and it didn't end well."
Heart: shyly stated, "but look at those eyes, and those tattooes, and that uniform..." swoooon.
Head: "are you trying to make us both go to the loony bin??"
Heart: "maybe this time will be different"
Head: "maybe this time the liver can do damage control instead of me."

I let my head win this one.

honestly.

So..I've been cheating on you.
I've been blogging on an anonymous blog.
I made this decision after reading a comment that made me feel upset, and I felt like maybe I should not write about the things the I truly feel, and I immediately took down that post.  I felt like maybe people that read my blog that know me did not want to hear about doom and gloom, so maybe I'll just doom and gloom people that I don't know.  But then I got to thinking about it....life isn't all rainbows and butterflies.  Why should we hide how we feel from the people that matter the most? Friends and Family that is.  They know us BEST. They know what it is we need to hear to snap out of it, or encourage us.  I have this blog as an outlet, a way to express myself and not bottle it in...so welcome to a new bulletproof, a filter free bulletproof.

Proper Responses

On this episode of proper responses....I actually needed a proper response...

For those of you who don't know I'm a staffing specialist for a temporary staffing company.  Part of my job sometimes involves checking people in at jobsites.  Well, last week one morning I was checking some people in at customer and was walking down an aisle full of product.  A supervisor spotted me, turned his forklift around and came down my aisle.  He approached and the following convo took place:

Supervisor: You've lost weight!
Me: No, I've probably gained about 10 (hey I'm just being honest).
Supervisor: Oh well you look different.
Me: Thank you though.
Supervisor: I hope you aren't offended by this, but...
Me: *gives a worried look*
Supervisor: For a chubby girl, you have a nice shape to you. Your'e very curvy.
Me:*blank stare...didn't know what to say*
Supervisor: You just have boom (big boobs pointed to), boom (average waist pointed to), boom (big butt pointed to).
Me: hmm..*still didn't know what to say*  Thanks......*said pensively*

What's the proper response here???

Thursday Words to live by

For this week's words to live by, I chose an excerpt from one of Og Mandino's fables that was sent out by the president of the company I work for.  I found it to be wonderful.

For the Rest of My Life (by Og Mandino)
 

For the rest of my life there are two days that will never again trouble me...
The first day is yesterday with all it's blunders and tears, it's follies and defeats. Yesterday has passed forever beyond my control...

The other day is tomorrow with it's pitfalls and threats, it's dangers and fears. Until the sun rises again, I have no stake in tomorrow for it is still a myth...

With the help of my family and friends and only one special day to concentrate all of my efforts and energy, I can win! Only when I add the burden of yesterday and tomorrow, am I in danger of faltering under the load. Never again! Today is all there is! Today is the rest of my life and I resolve to conduct myself through every waking hour in the following manner...

For the rest of my life, on this very special day, I will:
- Heed the wise advice of those who care about me and treat everyone I meet, friend or foe, stranger or family, as I would want them to treat me.
- Greet all those I encounter with a smile instead of a frown, and a soft word of encouragement instead of disdain or even worse - silence.
- To make haste to be kind to others, understanding that life is too short and too soon ended to be petty or unkind.

For the rest of my life, on this very special day, I will:
- Understand that life always rewards me on the terms that I establish, and if I never perform or deliver more than that which I am paid, never will I have reason to demand or expect any additional gold.
- Always do more than is expected of me, whether at work, at play, or at home.
- Labor with enthusiasm and passion, no matter what the task at hand may be, realizing that if I cannot secure happiness out of my work I will never know what real happiness is.

For the rest of my life, on this very special day, I will:
- Realize that no path to success is too long if I advance bravely with relentless optimism.
- Remind myself that success has it's price and that I must be willing to balance it's joys and rewards against the precious piece of my life I must always exchange in order to achieve it.
- Never lose faith in a brighter tomorrow, for I know I must use that energy to fulfill the best that is within me to accomplish all my goals and dreams.

For the rest of my life, on this very special day of all days, I will do unto others as I would have them do unto me, to give more of myself every waking hour, to set goals and hold fast to my dreams, to search for the good in every adversity that befalls me, to perform all my duties with complete devotion, and above all, to be true to myself.

For the rest of my life, I will be the best I can be!

Thursday Words to live by

Each week will feature a quote with words to live by.  This week...

Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.  Look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.  Think only of the best, work only for the best, and expect only the best. Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements for the future.  Give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.  Live in the faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you! 

-  Christian D. Larson

Just keep drawing

My latest piece in art class.....100 points if you can guess who it is.  HINT: She's on a tv show...

How HOT is IT?

• Hot enough to fry an egg on your head.
• Hot enough to make you sweat like Richard Simmons.
• Hot enough to cause spontaneous combustions.
• Hot enough to make you not want to go anywhere.
• Hot enough to even melt all of Christian Aguliera's makeup off her face.
• Hot enough to make you think it's okay to eat an entire carton of ice cream.
• So hot that you begine to become delusional, and see things that aren't there.
• HOT ENOUGH to think that maybe Al Gore was right.....maybe there is some fact in global warming....

It's so darn hot lately.  Then we got 2 days of crazy unusual cold weather - like my sister and I had to sit outside with blankets while we were watching Charlie play (Charlie, who also had a sweater!?! on). Crazyness.

Banner Giveaway!

So Summer of Athena in the Middle.  My favorite blog to read...is giving away a bloggy banner, like the one that she is currently sporting.

So go on over there and enter to win (CLICK ME TO BE MAGICALLY TRANSPORTED TO THE GIVEAWAY!!)...and while you are at it....click to follow her, because she is FABULOUS!!

I'm back

Took a little break from the blog-o-sphere, and the internets for that matter.  1. I took a LONNNNGG vacation, and 2. Some days after staring at glowing squares all day long, the last thing I want to do is go home and do it some more.  I much prefer the white dullness of pages in a book these days.  But none the less I'm back.

What I did on vacation:

• Ate at all the places I'd been longing for that I don't have here in the 'Burg...PG's, Shiso Sushi Bar, Fridays, Broadway Pizza, Boston Market.
• Had an AWESOME Birthday with all of my friends.  Drank way too many buckets and bones ;) and enjoyed being silly and singing songs poorly while wrapped in a arm chain.  I wish every night was like that in life.  At one point I just stopped and took it all in - making note of everyones faces, and trying to take in the warmth and happiness I was feeling at that moment.
• Took a rainy, but wonderful trip to Jensen Beach with my mom.  We had some YUMMY food, went to an auquarium, and also to Blowing Rocks.  We also tried (key word TRIED) to fly a kite. We swam in the ocean and mom tried to get me to touch something slimy and disgusting. I saw my mom in a whole different light this trip.  I saw the young girl she used to be when she would go to the beach every weekend.
• I went to a place called the Lodge.  I did not like the lodge.  It was filled with crazy white people dancing poorly to bad music.  My besties love it though...and I would go anywhere with them.
• I dug for change for what seemed like an ETERNITY at a toll booth on the way back from the lodge, afraid that we would be there all night.  We came 3 pennies short, and it lifted the electric arm and just let us go.
• I ate AREPAS for the very first time, and oi are they delicous.  They kind of melt in your mouth.
• I went to an amazing July 4th party at Ashley and Lacey's house.  I played beer pong and flip cup, and volleyball in the pool.  I felt like I was in high school again...partially due to the fact that most of the people that went to my H.S. were there.

All in all I had an AMAZING time.  I miss the people in Florida so much!!

my first piece

This was my first piece of art from art school!! Not too shabby!

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

Things that are making me :)

• ART CLASS!!! Even the classroom is inspirational! :)
• I get to see my besties in T minus 10 days and counting!!
• I get to go to the beach with my Mom in 13 days!!
• It's my best friend's BIRTHDAY TODAY!!! Happy Birthday Buddy :)

:) SMILE AND THE WORLD SMILES WITH YOU, FROWN AND YOU FROWN ALONE :)

What's what:

What I'm reading: Freedom By: Jonathan Franzen (which I'm struggling through the 2nd half.  It's a little un-edited for me, a lot of parts aren't really necessary, and I'm not big into birds and some chapters are solely about a bird called the Warbler).

What I'm looking forward: Art classes at the Spartanburg Art Museum!! I'm taking introduction to drawing (pencil) starting June 7th!! I have all these neat supplies just waiting to be used!

What I'm NOT looking forward to: Buying a bathing suit, for my not so bathing suit ready bod.

What I'm eating: Spaghetti...I can't get enough of it lately.  I even got desperate when I ran out of spaghetti sauce and used the tomato sauce that is intended for Chili...not. so. good.

What's making me smile: That I go on VACATION in 23 days!!!! WOOP WOOP.  In the plans: spending time with my mom and pop, spending time with the 3 best friends that anyone could have, a beach trip to Jensen beach with my mom, and lots of FUN!

What's not making me smile: I turn 26 in 23 days.....making me closer to 30, then to 20!! AHHH!

What I'm thinking about doing: Going to a BB King concert in Simpsonville.  Anyone care to go with?

Proper Responses

This blog came about due to an applicant that came in to work today.  Just a little prelude into the conversation, this man was about 300 lbs.
Man: What you eating there?
Me: Some gobstoppers.  Would you like one?
Man: No I can't eat gobstoppers any more, too much sugar, I just had gastric bypass surgery about 3 months ago.
Me: Oh, that's amazing! I've thought about doing that myself.
Man: Oh, you defintely should.

This got me thinking....I know I had prompted the man to give me the response of "you should do it".  But that is NOT the answer that I wanted to hear.  I wanted him to say, and believe the proper response would be "Noooooo, you don't have enought weight to lose to do that!!" So then I began to think of other things that women prefer to NOT hear the truth about...

Statement: Man this dress makes me look horrible.
Unwanted Response: It sure does, it makes your butt look 4 times bigger than usual.
Proper Response: No it doesn't you look good in anything!

Statement: I need to put some makeup on, I'm looking pretty bad.
Unwanted Response: Yeah...I was going to say something about that......
Proper Response: You look even more beautiful without makeup.

Statement: How do you put up with me, I'm so bitchy.
Unwanted Response: Well, some days it's tough...but then I try to imagine what it would be like to be married to Kate Gosselin, and think atleast you aren't that bad.
Proper Response: I don't think your bitchy, and I love everything about you.

Statement: I think I need to go with a 1 piece this year, my body is not fitting in to a bikini.
Unwanted Response: Yeah, no one wants to see 10 lbs. of potatoes in a 5 lb. bag!
Proper Response: But I think you look hot in a bikini.

BLOT 2

Brittany's List of Ten (BLOT)

Ten things I would like to be....

1. Blonde (because maybe they have more fun)

2. In Shape (who doesn't?)

3. An advertising Exec. for Coca-Cola

4. A mother

5. A wife

6. A published author (working on this one, still sending out my novella to publishers)

7. More organized (this is the only one on this list that I know will never happen :) you can ask my mom)

and this is Oprah's organized and beautiful closet btw.

8. An art gallery owner

9. RICH :) (once again...who wouldn't want to be?)

10. A world traveler (I want to see it ALL)

What do YOU want to be??

Meet Mr. F

meet Mr. F.

F was the man that I almost married.

that is until F decided 2 months before our wedding that he didn't want to make me mrs. F.

when F and I first started dating there are 2 points of importance...

1. F was leaving for Iraq in a month.

2. I was still mending a very broken heart from my last boyfriend of 4 years BM(might post of him later).

F mended that broken heart.

he took time to piece it all together, and glue it with love,admiration,loyalty, and kindness.

he made it look like it had never been broken before.

which made it just that much worse, when he put it on the ground in a beautiful hotel room in Paris, France and stomped on it.

I've been thinking about him a lot lately. Wondering how things would have been now if I was married, and probably a mother. Mostly because I will be going hom in about a month, and now there is a chance that I run into him...especially since now he seems to hang out in the same circle of friends, that my friends hang out in.

Blot #1

For those of my friends that read this, you remember this from my Myspace blog, but for those of you that aren't familiar BLOT stands for Brittany's List of Ten.

List of 10 things I BELIEVE:

1.    That LOVE should be like in BASEBALL where after 3 'ball' calls, an automatic '1st base' or 'walk' is given.  I feel like I've gotten 3 heartbreaking relationships, therefore I should automatically be given a good relationship. :)

2.    That my nephew is the beautifulest little boy I've ever seen (but I'm a little biased).

3.    That you should always finish the book you are reading no matter how dreadful it is. Especially if you paid hardback price for it.

4.    That this is the worst haircut I've ever seen...yet another winner from OKcupid. (I edited out the bottom of this picture where he was wearing offensive boxer shorts...yes you read that right.)



5.    That if I was happy, I wouldn't be fat.  The two seem to go hand and hand for me.

6.    When you spill a cup of urine on you at work*, that every day after that seems like an okay day...compared to the day that you spilled urine on you. (*actual occurrence, I'm a staffing specialist and have to do pre-employment drug screening)

7.    That the day I throw away his military picture that is a permanent fixture in my jewelry box, wallet, and night stand.....then I will be healed, and be able to move on.  But I can't bring myself to do this.

8.    That I have the worst taste in movies, and music.  It's grotesque.

9.    That I am very whiny and this gets on peoples nerves.

10.   That my family is the most wonderful family, that my best friend is the bestest best friend, and that my animals are the cutest.

Jar of Hearts

Mother Lover

My Mother.

My constant.

My supporter.

My shoulder to cry on.

My soft place to fall.

My love.

My role model.

My best friend.

I love her more than words. 

Happy Mother's Day 2011!

1986

Mother's Day 2005

Leaning Tower of Pisa 2003

Christmas 2010

I just threw up in my mouth a little...

Just found out that J has a new girl friend.  Cue weak stomach and involuntary gag. Why is it that even when the worst ex-boyfriends...better yet even the ones you broke up with start dating someone new it's sickening??? Or is it just me? I dread the day ex-almost-mr. womer gets a new girlfriend, I'll have to have someone come and clean my carpets afterwards. (eww that was a bit gross).

The worst part is you start ranking this person along with yourself.  Like I am looking through her facebook pictures (yeah, yeah, I'm one of those people...gag) and she is not attractive at all.  She has 90's hair, a huge butterfly tattoo on her right boob, a kid, and she doesn't know how to spell simple words.  Am I on that same level of attractiveness? please God, say it ain't so!  She has a picture up of J and her daughter, and it says My king and My princess. GAH.

I thought of writing her an email warning her....but then decided something PSYCHO ex-girlfriends do. So I decided I'll pray for her instead.

Design Envy and other randomness

So I'm bad and snagged these photos from somewhere for my "DREAM BOARD" and now have forgotten where I snagged them from....hmmm...so anywho, I have no "via"'s for you.



my dream bed. surrounded by books.




LOVELY.



and this is just awesome, and creative. would never work in my current apartment though.

Next some funny things, also with no claimer...I believe I stumbled upon these with stumble upon.

this one reminds me of izilla the cupake lady

I live in the state of "most mobile homes". yee. haw.

Some inspiring words...

 and then something just to show you how random I and this post am.