Proper Responses

This blog came about due to an applicant that came in to work today.  Just a little prelude into the conversation, this man was about 300 lbs.
Man: What you eating there?
Me: Some gobstoppers.  Would you like one?
Man: No I can't eat gobstoppers any more, too much sugar, I just had gastric bypass surgery about 3 months ago.
Me: Oh, that's amazing! I've thought about doing that myself.
Man: Oh, you defintely should.

This got me thinking....I know I had prompted the man to give me the response of "you should do it".  But that is NOT the answer that I wanted to hear.  I wanted him to say, and believe the proper response would be "Noooooo, you don't have enought weight to lose to do that!!" So then I began to think of other things that women prefer to NOT hear the truth about...

Statement: Man this dress makes me look horrible.
Unwanted Response: It sure does, it makes your butt look 4 times bigger than usual.
Proper Response: No it doesn't you look good in anything!

Statement: I need to put some makeup on, I'm looking pretty bad.
Unwanted Response: Yeah...I was going to say something about that......
Proper Response: You look even more beautiful without makeup.

Statement: How do you put up with me, I'm so bitchy.
Unwanted Response: Well, some days it's tough...but then I try to imagine what it would be like to be married to Kate Gosselin, and think atleast you aren't that bad.
Proper Response: I don't think your bitchy, and I love everything about you.

Statement: I think I need to go with a 1 piece this year, my body is not fitting in to a bikini.
Unwanted Response: Yeah, no one wants to see 10 lbs. of potatoes in a 5 lb. bag!
Proper Response: But I think you look hot in a bikini.

BLOT 2

Brittany's List of Ten (BLOT)

Ten things I would like to be....

1. Blonde (because maybe they have more fun)

2. In Shape (who doesn't?)

3. An advertising Exec. for Coca-Cola

4. A mother

5. A wife

6. A published author (working on this one, still sending out my novella to publishers)

7. More organized (this is the only one on this list that I know will never happen :) you can ask my mom)

and this is Oprah's organized and beautiful closet btw.

8. An art gallery owner

9. RICH :) (once again...who wouldn't want to be?)

10. A world traveler (I want to see it ALL)

What do YOU want to be??

Meet Mr. F

meet Mr. F.

F was the man that I almost married.

that is until F decided 2 months before our wedding that he didn't want to make me mrs. F.

when F and I first started dating there are 2 points of importance...

1. F was leaving for Iraq in a month.

2. I was still mending a very broken heart from my last boyfriend of 4 years BM(might post of him later).

F mended that broken heart.

he took time to piece it all together, and glue it with love,admiration,loyalty, and kindness.

he made it look like it had never been broken before.

which made it just that much worse, when he put it on the ground in a beautiful hotel room in Paris, France and stomped on it.

I've been thinking about him a lot lately. Wondering how things would have been now if I was married, and probably a mother. Mostly because I will be going hom in about a month, and now there is a chance that I run into him...especially since now he seems to hang out in the same circle of friends, that my friends hang out in.

Blot #1

For those of my friends that read this, you remember this from my Myspace blog, but for those of you that aren't familiar BLOT stands for Brittany's List of Ten.

List of 10 things I BELIEVE:

1.    That LOVE should be like in BASEBALL where after 3 'ball' calls, an automatic '1st base' or 'walk' is given.  I feel like I've gotten 3 heartbreaking relationships, therefore I should automatically be given a good relationship. :)

2.    That my nephew is the beautifulest little boy I've ever seen (but I'm a little biased).

3.    That you should always finish the book you are reading no matter how dreadful it is. Especially if you paid hardback price for it.

4.    That this is the worst haircut I've ever seen...yet another winner from OKcupid. (I edited out the bottom of this picture where he was wearing offensive boxer shorts...yes you read that right.)



5.    That if I was happy, I wouldn't be fat.  The two seem to go hand and hand for me.

6.    When you spill a cup of urine on you at work*, that every day after that seems like an okay day...compared to the day that you spilled urine on you. (*actual occurrence, I'm a staffing specialist and have to do pre-employment drug screening)

7.    That the day I throw away his military picture that is a permanent fixture in my jewelry box, wallet, and night stand.....then I will be healed, and be able to move on.  But I can't bring myself to do this.

8.    That I have the worst taste in movies, and music.  It's grotesque.

9.    That I am very whiny and this gets on peoples nerves.

10.   That my family is the most wonderful family, that my best friend is the bestest best friend, and that my animals are the cutest.

Jar of Hearts

Mother Lover

My Mother.

My constant.

My supporter.

My shoulder to cry on.

My soft place to fall.

My love.

My role model.

My best friend.

I love her more than words. 

Happy Mother's Day 2011!

1986

Mother's Day 2005

Leaning Tower of Pisa 2003

Christmas 2010

I just threw up in my mouth a little...

Just found out that J has a new girl friend.  Cue weak stomach and involuntary gag. Why is it that even when the worst ex-boyfriends...better yet even the ones you broke up with start dating someone new it's sickening??? Or is it just me? I dread the day ex-almost-mr. womer gets a new girlfriend, I'll have to have someone come and clean my carpets afterwards. (eww that was a bit gross).

The worst part is you start ranking this person along with yourself.  Like I am looking through her facebook pictures (yeah, yeah, I'm one of those people...gag) and she is not attractive at all.  She has 90's hair, a huge butterfly tattoo on her right boob, a kid, and she doesn't know how to spell simple words.  Am I on that same level of attractiveness? please God, say it ain't so!  She has a picture up of J and her daughter, and it says My king and My princess. GAH.

I thought of writing her an email warning her....but then decided something PSYCHO ex-girlfriends do. So I decided I'll pray for her instead.

Design Envy and other randomness

So I'm bad and snagged these photos from somewhere for my "DREAM BOARD" and now have forgotten where I snagged them from....hmmm...so anywho, I have no "via"'s for you.



my dream bed. surrounded by books.




LOVELY.



and this is just awesome, and creative. would never work in my current apartment though.

Next some funny things, also with no claimer...I believe I stumbled upon these with stumble upon.

this one reminds me of izilla the cupake lady

I live in the state of "most mobile homes". yee. haw.

Some inspiring words...

 and then something just to show you how random I and this post am.

Really?!?

Today on Groupon they listed a massage/pedi/mani deal for 50% off!! I was ofcourse intrigued and so I clicked on this spa's website.  They have a picture slideshow set up on the side bar that shows each of the spa's workers.  I would not let a single one of them touch me naked....especially this one worker named Tony.  He is about 60 and looks like a major skeev.  I then click on the Services tab.  In the drop down I see "breast massage"...wtf?...so I click....look who does the breast massages...ewwww.

Also...questions.
1) Who would be comfortable getting a breast massage.
2) Why don't they have women do these...that would be a little less awkward.
and 3 is really more of a statement, then a question...
3) I believe he should be paying me $60 to massage my breasts.

truth or protection?

All my life I've been envisioning what my ideal lifetime would look like.

This ideal has always included a husband and children.

When asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would answer with veterinarian, but in my head I thought, all I really want is to be a mother. 

But as of lately, and I don't know if this is the depression or a protection mechanism,

I kinda feel like it would be okay if I don't have kids and it's ok if I don't get married.

Kids do take a lot of selflessness, and I never realized until my nephew came how exhausting they are.

Don't get me wrong kids are wonderful, and so unconditionally loving..

but what if your sick?

or feel like going to bed at 7 one night because it's been a bad day at work.

Kids are a lot of commitment.

Also marriage...

I enjoy my space.

 I enjoy that I do not have to watch sports, but rather I watch Oprah when I get home from work.

I like not having to talk to anyone on the phone when I get home if I don't want to.

If I want to eat pop tarts for dinner, I don't feel bad.

It's almost like my mind is preparing me for the worst case scenario. 

My heart is protecting me from what I used to think would be devastating not to have, by tricking me into thinking it's not all that great?

Do you think that's what it could be...or could it be the truth that I no longer want those things?

Truth or Protection?